willinterpretforfood: For Future Reference

willinterpretforfood: For Future Reference: From the Oxford English Dictionary. Musee, n 1.        Esp. in France: an art gallery; a museum. *   *   *   *   * Made up a...

Ok. I don't do political rants....I tried it once and I got whacked with anonymous comments about how stupid I was. Lame. Not interested. I don't do rants in general about touchy subjects because I don't feel like ranting about my side of a situation helps the other side to understand where I'm coming from.
But....
And we knew there'd be a but(t) didn't we?
I'm gonna try so so so hard not to lose my temper, I'm gonna try to speak clearly and eloquently so that I can help people see where I am coming from. Yoda said "do or do not, there is no try." and to Yoda I say "Soooo then you can go ahead and make a blog about gay marriage and either do or do not whack your head on the desk in frustration and scream and scream and scream until you're hoarse and dizzy....I am gonna try not to."
This topic is touchy. WHY THE FUCK IS IT TOUCHY! Sorry, sorry. I am trying. I'm gonna cut to the chase....here is what I propose.
You wanna get married? Good. Can what you want to get married to consent mutually to this marriage (aka is it a person)? Then awesome. As far as the government is concerned you are married. Meaning you are life partners, you have decided to team up and figure live out together. You get to inherit things in wills, and visit each other in the hospital, and have a honeymoon. That's fucking beautiful, man. That church doesn't feel comfortable performing the ceremony? Fine, it's their right to refuse. All you have to do is find a church that will....and trust me, you will find one. At the very least you will find a person qualified to perform marriage rites. You can quote scripture to me alllllll day long....pick your favorite holy book....find the place where it specifically forbids such and such......yeah....do it in that sexy voice I like....no the high pitched one where you sound like the clitoris from the south park movie. IT IS AND ALWAYS WILL BE IRRELEVANT TO THIS DISCUSSION. How come? Because marriage was not invented by religion. Show me, please I'm begging you, show me the part where it says, "and then adam and Eve wanted to get it on and Jesus came down and said, yea but first thou must get married, yea I shall create marriage and it will be good and it will be for the sole purpose of making babies. Show me that and I'll shut up. But check this out....you can get married legally without mentioning God at all...you really can I've seen it done. Apart from the people actually agreeing to marry each other It's none of anyone else's fucking business. So stop it with the bible thumping. I understand you have a deeply moral problem with it, that's ok, that's your right. You don't have to participate, heck you don't even have to see it, just make your excuses and don't attend. It's fine. But the minute you step in the middle of someone else's life and say, you can't get married because it makes me uncomfortable and Jesus hates the gays is also the minute I stop taking you seriously for ever.
I have to stop now. I'm having trouble controlling the caps lock...It makes me sad and angry that I was born into a time where this is issue is an actual problem and I keep seeing comment  after comment of horrible, mean spirited, hateful sentiments masquerading as religious morality and I despair a little because it seems to be so widespread. No I really have to stop now, I'm seriously going to scream soon.

Old Journal meets new journal

I used to write on livejournal. I still have the account, I just don't write in it anymore, I write on this, on the occasions that I do write. I used to be a lot more prolific....I also used to be quite a bit more complainy.....but what teenager isn't? Anyway I checked it tonight to see if it's still there and yes it is! I also checked it to see what the last entry was and actually it was only two years ago. So it's a list of statements about myself that I owned at the time. What I want to do is copy and paste the list from a few years ago.....and then I'm going to make a new one for the current me.

Sep 27th 2010

I am a ruffler of feathers
I mix-dance with natives
I make a mess of things
I question authority
I am a punchline ruiner
I am a failed boyfriend theif
I am easily swayed by charm
I try to play well with others
I am half heartedly mysterious
I think there's power in my patience
I assemble court in my living room
I deny being beautiful
I feel everything
I am fluent in body language
I am a second guesser
I will play hide and seek when I'm 40
I wish I saw dead people
I hold grudges
I love scary movies
I don't actually eat bugs
I don't belong in this century
I left my soul in London
I am quite contrary


Feb 12, 2012


I am a buster of chops
I sit in inappropriate positions for my status
I clean up my messes in an untimely fashion
I am a diplomat
I am an Olympic fool sufferer
I am half-heartedly responsible
I can one-line you under the table
I am a successful boyfriend haver
I am easily swayed by junk food
I am a self-proclaimed trivia champion
I can milk a cow
I don't eat bugs on purpose
I love scary movies
I feel everything
I can put myself through a lot to get what I want
I am bigger than I feel is necessary
I wish time travel was real
I was getting used to the idea of cats
I will play hide and seek until I physically can't
I gave my soul to London because that's where it belongs
I gave my heart to Aaron for same reason

heavens I've evolved!

bout time too ;-)

Stuff that's going on with me

The following is a list of things that are happening:

I am playing lots of trivia games on facebook.
I am drinking lots of water and cutting way the hell back on everything else.
I am putting off home improvement projects because I am a master prorasticator (whatever, I like it better spelled that way)
Aerin's been swimming around my thoughts. (For those of you just joining us, Aerin is someone who was a massive part of my life for a very short time, the shortness being explained by her suddenly dying at a very young age. I never talk about it because I'm not someone who can talk about stuff that's that serious. But she does resurface from time to time and I'm trying to be more capable of acknowledging it when she does. It was her birthday a couple days ago, she would have been 26. And that's about as much as I can do right now.)
My boyfriend is in Michigan. He's there because I got lucky and he didn't. What I mean is I got hired on for winter and he didn't. I haven't decided how much I'm going to rant about work in this outlet. I like my job but I worry about those horror stories of people speaking their minds on places like these and having it blow up and ruin Christmas.  So I'll just vaguely say this: I, in my anger and frustration with "the way things are" am blaming my current lack of physical connectivity to the love of my flippin life, on my current place of employment, and I haven't thought better of it yet. Yes, yes I know they can't take on everybody and what about all the other people that didn't get lucky as there's more of them than there are of people that did get lucky. I'm just not sorry yet. This will likely change, but for the moment I'm still pouting.
All will be restored in three weeks. Which is a long time, or seems like it anyway.
I have forgotten how to be alone. No it's not at all like I've forgotten how to fly. But it is a bit of a bother when you do so much stuff together, you get used to it. Doing stuff by myself was never as fun but before Aaron I don't think I really understood the scale of what I was missing. Is that melodramatic? Probably. But I just really really like having him around ok?
Oh this was not supposed to be a woe is me entry. This is supposed to be a putting off other things you're supposed to be doing entry. Well at least I can say I have wasted time.
Now on to paying bills olympic thumb twiddling!

Things I got for christmas

1. A Brandynew computer!....Oh it's nice to have a lap top with all the keys present. It really is. And to have enough memory on this thing to play computer games....sooooo good.

2. It's free to play world of warcraft now up to level 20. Ok. Then I will. Play till level 20....or less depending upon how utterly bored I get.

3. Movie gift certificates. Yes please.

4. A mall shopping day where I bought clothes....and as long as I ignore the size I'm having to buy bottoms in now that my fat has shifted due to my costume at work, It's cool. I feel fine so what if I've got the ass of an elephant.I still go in at the middle and then out... I'm still relatively proportionate so fine.

5. (actually it's not fine and I'm considering joining a gym, more on that later)

5. no it's just....I just don't want to obsess about my weight too much as to my mind there's nothing more unattractive or socially awkward than complaining about how fat you think you are.

5. I still have a boyfriend....That's a kickass christmas present. No really it is. If you know me, it's possible you understand why.

6.some other stuff. more importantly I hit the mark with other people's gifts. Is that narcissistic? That I take more pleasure knowing I'm an awesome gift giver? It's better to give than to receive right? Does it spoil it if you turn around and brag about your giving abilities....did this just become dirty?.....yes. Stop it.

7. I'm going to Michigan. Oh that needs to be a new topic completely.....



IN OTHER NEWS

I'm going to Michigan. For those just joining us. That's where my boyfriend's family lives. His name is Aaron, he's real nice, you'll like him I promise.
I'm not nervous about meeting everyone. I'm nervous about fitting in. I'm an odd duck and coastal I've never been to the midwest unless you count Ohio which I don't.
I get a head start as I've already met his parents. But there'll be siblings and spouses and cousins and uncles and aunts and names names names.
And oh yes there'll be an elephant....in every room.
Just so you don't get too excited I'm not about to broadcast the details. Yes they would be juicy, no you can't have any get your own boyfriend, have your own family drama. I will suffice it to say that I would categorize certain members of the family as "devout." You can fill in your own damn blanks from there. Honestly what you come up with will probably be way more juicy that the reality of the situation. That will make for better storytelling than the truth in this instance.
So what I have to figure out is how to handle this elephant that's going to follow me around the whole time I'm there. Here is my cunning plan:
I'm going to pretend it is a puppy sized elephant. Still and elephant but puppy-sized. And people can ask me about it or not as they like because it's the size of a puppy and house trained and not getting in the way of anything. If I don't act like it's a big deal and I focus my energy on more worthwhile things, maybe people will follow my lead. Am I a leader of men? Sure, why the hell not.

The Person with an equally worthy opinion regardless of what sex she happens to be is BACK!

I would like to start my blog again. I used to be real serious about this stuff.....write in it all the time. I dunno what happened, don't care. I have something to discuss. I have a bone to pick. I have a bee in my bonnet.

Doctor Who.

Oh my flipping burgers. What? Jess has some negative criticism for an episode of Doctor Who? Is she feeling alright? No, stop. Let's pause for some reflection on what it means to be a doctor who fan.

If you choose to follow this show. A lot will be asked of you. For every incredible episode you have two that are sub par. Not to mention the tv movie. No really, no one mentions it because it's a shitstorm and you have to outright shun the tv movie to appreciate the series. There are rewards of course. The good episodes are often exceptional and the current renaissance of the series is so encouraging for people like me, who has been harboring secret affections for the quirky sci-fi series since I was nine watching Tom Baker and Lala Ward run away from monsters on my five by five inch black and white tv in the dark of my bedroom.  There is something to this show otherwise I would have let it go years ago. So anyway what was I gonna rant about?

The christmas episode, yes that's what I wanted to chat about. 

Why was the Doctor being so snarky to the girl? Was her name Lily? I think so, anyway what gives? Other doctors in the past have been snarkier, yes I know. But in the past the female character's job was to wonder off find a monster, scream, faint, and be rescued by the doctor. We have made huge strides in the recent incarnation of the series. Lily is not screaming, through the whole show she's asking questions so that she can better understand the weirdness happening around her. Why is the Doctor suddenly the snark factory of snarktown? He's had to explain this shit to everyone else, why does he choose to be particularly terse with this child? Because she isn't brilliant? Ok, then why did you decide to hang out with her family? Oh and he doesn't recognize her worth as a human until he's reminded that she's a baby factory, or will be in a couple of years. UGH. I would have thought, given we're a few years down the road from the 60s now, that Doctor Who would have evolved a little bit further past the mentality of the Don fucking Drapers of the world. (I don't watch mad men, is Don Draper a chauvinistic ass hole? Forgive me but they all look the same to me.) Gross gross gross. Also. I love how the Doctor's biggest pet peeve is changing history. Spoiler in three.....two...... The daddy dies. Lot's of people's daddy's died during world war II, several of them at Christmas I'm sure. Why is this one savable? Considering there was nothing in the telegraph saying he was MIA. He's going to have some explaining to do considering his plane went down but he's turned up in the countryside with his family. It's not that I didn't for the sake of the story want him to be saved because it's christmas and miracles and baby jesus but..... can you say court marshal? Can you say deserter? What happens when this guy tries to report for duty, or worse doesn't and is discovered trying to buy groceries one day. And what about Johnson....or who ever the fuck was down in the belly of the plane who was 'in a bad way.'(They're always called Johnson aren't they?) There was lots of hugging, not a lot of first aid giving. Also what a waste of a perfectly good Bill Bailey. 

Still, not the worst Christmas episode ever....at least they left Kylie Minogue out of  this one.

Rant over.

Topic for next rant. Probably something to do with the plantation. Likely.

What I miss about being a Pilgrim.

The following is a list of things I miss about being a Pilgrim. Some are gone yet some remain and I'm looking forward to seeing the returning things again. In fact this is purely to psyche myself up about returning in general. If it does the same for other returning pilgrims, then you're welcome!

-Putting on stays a lacing them up as tight as they will go. And never feeling fully dressed without a coif.
-Racing the other Jess to see who got ready first. And the inevitable taunting that comes with that competition.
-The christmas-like surprise of going to your basket to find out what Kathleen has left you for Cooking Project!
-Pilgrim puns at morning meeting.
-Walking across the street with water buckets and secretly conjuring images of the opening song in Beauty and the Beast. Little town, it's a quiet village...every day....like the one before...little town full of little people...
-Bertie.
-My not too pope-ish choir
-Visiting the girls, and by girls I mean the cows.
-Visiting the puppy. And by puppy I mean Crisp.
-Da goats. Back when we had da goats.
-Giving an answer you give all the time to a visitor who's never heard it before and being complimented on your 'quick wit.'
-Telling a visitor something interesting that they didn't know before.
-Kids who like to pull weeds.
-Adorable babies.
-Men with ten hens.
-Discreet yet scandalous games of nine men's morris with unmarried men.
- Talking about Fells. No matter how many times you tell that story it never looses it's juice!
-The sound of Ian singing outside the walls while he walked Crisp, and how it used to float into the village creating the most perfect atmosphere.
-Jon's dangling legs as he would perch on the linen chest in Winslow working on some uninterpretable project or other.
-The Banter that is the Jessiccae.
-Finding excuses to interpret by the spring. Or on the green.
-Returning Ned Doty's drinking pot after it is inevitably abandoned in Fuller house.
-Lemon Balm.
-Johnny and Shelly.
-Reading aloud the Song of Solomon like we'd discovered some kind of erotic fiction under the Winslow's bed.
-Sitting back and watching awesome interpreters interpret awesomely, taking notes and stealing anecdotes.
-Coming up with reasons why my husband isn't home, why you can't look in the loft, where my children are, and getting people on their way to lunch.
-The sea.....the view from the top of the hill......and the walk back to the carriage house at the end of the day.