1. A Brandynew computer!....Oh it's nice to have a lap top with all the keys present. It really is. And to have enough memory on this thing to play computer games....sooooo good.
2. It's free to play world of warcraft now up to level 20. Ok. Then I will. Play till level 20....or less depending upon how utterly bored I get.
3. Movie gift certificates. Yes please.
4. A mall shopping day where I bought clothes....and as long as I ignore the size I'm having to buy bottoms in now that my fat has shifted due to my costume at work, It's cool. I feel fine so what if I've got the ass of an elephant.I still go in at the middle and then out... I'm still relatively proportionate so fine.
5. (actually it's not fine and I'm considering joining a gym, more on that later)
5. no it's just....I just don't want to obsess about my weight too much as to my mind there's nothing more unattractive or socially awkward than complaining about how fat you think you are.
5. I still have a boyfriend....That's a kickass christmas present. No really it is. If you know me, it's possible you understand why.
6.some other stuff. more importantly I hit the mark with other people's gifts. Is that narcissistic? That I take more pleasure knowing I'm an awesome gift giver? It's better to give than to receive right? Does it spoil it if you turn around and brag about your giving abilities....did this just become dirty?.....yes. Stop it.
7. I'm going to Michigan. Oh that needs to be a new topic completely.....
IN OTHER NEWS
I'm going to Michigan. For those just joining us. That's where my boyfriend's family lives. His name is Aaron, he's real nice, you'll like him I promise.
I'm not nervous about meeting everyone. I'm nervous about fitting in. I'm an odd duck and coastal I've never been to the midwest unless you count Ohio which I don't.
I get a head start as I've already met his parents. But there'll be siblings and spouses and cousins and uncles and aunts and names names names.
And oh yes there'll be an elephant....in every room.
Just so you don't get too excited I'm not about to broadcast the details. Yes they would be juicy, no you can't have any get your own boyfriend, have your own family drama. I will suffice it to say that I would categorize certain members of the family as "devout." You can fill in your own damn blanks from there. Honestly what you come up with will probably be way more juicy that the reality of the situation. That will make for better storytelling than the truth in this instance.
So what I have to figure out is how to handle this elephant that's going to follow me around the whole time I'm there. Here is my cunning plan:
I'm going to pretend it is a puppy sized elephant. Still and elephant but puppy-sized. And people can ask me about it or not as they like because it's the size of a puppy and house trained and not getting in the way of anything. If I don't act like it's a big deal and I focus my energy on more worthwhile things, maybe people will follow my lead. Am I a leader of men? Sure, why the hell not.
Friday, December 30, 2011
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
The Person with an equally worthy opinion regardless of what sex she happens to be is BACK!
I would like to start my blog again. I used to be real serious about this stuff.....write in it all the time. I dunno what happened, don't care. I have something to discuss. I have a bone to pick. I have a bee in my bonnet.
Doctor Who.
Oh my flipping burgers. What? Jess has some negative criticism for an episode of Doctor Who? Is she feeling alright? No, stop. Let's pause for some reflection on what it means to be a doctor who fan.
If you choose to follow this show. A lot will be asked of you. For every incredible episode you have two that are sub par. Not to mention the tv movie. No really, no one mentions it because it's a shitstorm and you have to outright shun the tv movie to appreciate the series. There are rewards of course. The good episodes are often exceptional and the current renaissance of the series is so encouraging for people like me, who has been harboring secret affections for the quirky sci-fi series since I was nine watching Tom Baker and Lala Ward run away from monsters on my five by five inch black and white tv in the dark of my bedroom. There is something to this show otherwise I would have let it go years ago. So anyway what was I gonna rant about?
The christmas episode, yes that's what I wanted to chat about.
Why was the Doctor being so snarky to the girl? Was her name Lily? I think so, anyway what gives? Other doctors in the past have been snarkier, yes I know. But in the past the female character's job was to wonder off find a monster, scream, faint, and be rescued by the doctor. We have made huge strides in the recent incarnation of the series. Lily is not screaming, through the whole show she's asking questions so that she can better understand the weirdness happening around her. Why is the Doctor suddenly the snark factory of snarktown? He's had to explain this shit to everyone else, why does he choose to be particularly terse with this child? Because she isn't brilliant? Ok, then why did you decide to hang out with her family? Oh and he doesn't recognize her worth as a human until he's reminded that she's a baby factory, or will be in a couple of years. UGH. I would have thought, given we're a few years down the road from the 60s now, that Doctor Who would have evolved a little bit further past the mentality of the Don fucking Drapers of the world. (I don't watch mad men, is Don Draper a chauvinistic ass hole? Forgive me but they all look the same to me.) Gross gross gross. Also. I love how the Doctor's biggest pet peeve is changing history. Spoiler in three.....two...... The daddy dies. Lot's of people's daddy's died during world war II, several of them at Christmas I'm sure. Why is this one savable? Considering there was nothing in the telegraph saying he was MIA. He's going to have some explaining to do considering his plane went down but he's turned up in the countryside with his family. It's not that I didn't for the sake of the story want him to be saved because it's christmas and miracles and baby jesus but..... can you say court marshal? Can you say deserter? What happens when this guy tries to report for duty, or worse doesn't and is discovered trying to buy groceries one day. And what about Johnson....or who ever the fuck was down in the belly of the plane who was 'in a bad way.'(They're always called Johnson aren't they?) There was lots of hugging, not a lot of first aid giving. Also what a waste of a perfectly good Bill Bailey.
Still, not the worst Christmas episode ever....at least they left Kylie Minogue out of this one.
Rant over.
Topic for next rant. Probably something to do with the plantation. Likely.
Friday, January 14, 2011
What I miss about being a Pilgrim.
The following is a list of things I miss about being a Pilgrim. Some are gone yet some remain and I'm looking forward to seeing the returning things again. In fact this is purely to psyche myself up about returning in general. If it does the same for other returning pilgrims, then you're welcome!
-Putting on stays a lacing them up as tight as they will go. And never feeling fully dressed without a coif.
-Racing the other Jess to see who got ready first. And the inevitable taunting that comes with that competition.
-The christmas-like surprise of going to your basket to find out what Kathleen has left you for Cooking Project!
-Pilgrim puns at morning meeting.
-Walking across the street with water buckets and secretly conjuring images of the opening song in Beauty and the Beast. Little town, it's a quiet village...every day....like the one before...little town full of little people...
-Bertie.
-My not too pope-ish choir
-Visiting the girls, and by girls I mean the cows.
-Visiting the puppy. And by puppy I mean Crisp.
-Da goats. Back when we had da goats.
-Giving an answer you give all the time to a visitor who's never heard it before and being complimented on your 'quick wit.'
-Telling a visitor something interesting that they didn't know before.
-Kids who like to pull weeds.
-Adorable babies.
-Men with ten hens.
-Discreet yet scandalous games of nine men's morris with unmarried men.
- Talking about Fells. No matter how many times you tell that story it never looses it's juice!
-The sound of Ian singing outside the walls while he walked Crisp, and how it used to float into the village creating the most perfect atmosphere.
-Jon's dangling legs as he would perch on the linen chest in Winslow working on some uninterpretable project or other.
-The Banter that is the Jessiccae.
-Finding excuses to interpret by the spring. Or on the green.
-Returning Ned Doty's drinking pot after it is inevitably abandoned in Fuller house.
-Lemon Balm.
-Johnny and Shelly.
-Reading aloud the Song of Solomon like we'd discovered some kind of erotic fiction under the Winslow's bed.
-Sitting back and watching awesome interpreters interpret awesomely, taking notes and stealing anecdotes.
-Coming up with reasons why my husband isn't home, why you can't look in the loft, where my children are, and getting people on their way to lunch.
-The sea.....the view from the top of the hill......and the walk back to the carriage house at the end of the day.
-Putting on stays a lacing them up as tight as they will go. And never feeling fully dressed without a coif.
-Racing the other Jess to see who got ready first. And the inevitable taunting that comes with that competition.
-The christmas-like surprise of going to your basket to find out what Kathleen has left you for Cooking Project!
-Pilgrim puns at morning meeting.
-Walking across the street with water buckets and secretly conjuring images of the opening song in Beauty and the Beast. Little town, it's a quiet village...every day....like the one before...little town full of little people...
-Bertie.
-My not too pope-ish choir
-Visiting the girls, and by girls I mean the cows.
-Visiting the puppy. And by puppy I mean Crisp.
-Da goats. Back when we had da goats.
-Giving an answer you give all the time to a visitor who's never heard it before and being complimented on your 'quick wit.'
-Telling a visitor something interesting that they didn't know before.
-Kids who like to pull weeds.
-Adorable babies.
-Men with ten hens.
-Discreet yet scandalous games of nine men's morris with unmarried men.
- Talking about Fells. No matter how many times you tell that story it never looses it's juice!
-The sound of Ian singing outside the walls while he walked Crisp, and how it used to float into the village creating the most perfect atmosphere.
-Jon's dangling legs as he would perch on the linen chest in Winslow working on some uninterpretable project or other.
-The Banter that is the Jessiccae.
-Finding excuses to interpret by the spring. Or on the green.
-Returning Ned Doty's drinking pot after it is inevitably abandoned in Fuller house.
-Lemon Balm.
-Johnny and Shelly.
-Reading aloud the Song of Solomon like we'd discovered some kind of erotic fiction under the Winslow's bed.
-Sitting back and watching awesome interpreters interpret awesomely, taking notes and stealing anecdotes.
-Coming up with reasons why my husband isn't home, why you can't look in the loft, where my children are, and getting people on their way to lunch.
-The sea.....the view from the top of the hill......and the walk back to the carriage house at the end of the day.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
A Rant of Religious Proportions
Ok. So I don't go to church very often. I go when I'm in my parents house because they go. I go because I like to sing and have sung with the choir there since birth. I go to see old friends and to catch up with friends of the family. I am not a religious person. I am baptized, communed, and confirmed in the catholic faith but I have for a very long time considered myself unaffiliated. I am not an atheist, I am not agnostic, I am not anything. I don't have a club I belong to. I am not anti-religion, I like a lot of religions. I am friendly with some very religious people who aren't assholes at all. So although I don't label myself as a practicing catholic, I have been educated in the ways of Cathol. I paid plenty of attention in Sunday school. And I spend a lot of time talking about God stuff in my current line of work. I'm only saying this because I'm about to have a catholic rant and I want to be upfront and honest about my credentials.
Every once in a while, somebody dressed in white up in the altar area will say something that makes me uncomfortable. It's usually during the Homily or in closing announcements. Today it was the former. The parish director called everyone's attention to a potential commercial for superbowl sunday. She told us the basic gist of the piece and felt that as it was obviously tasteless and offensive to Catholics that everyone should write a negative review in the comments section of the website where it can be viewed.
Here's my problems with that:
1. It was meant to be funny. It might have been a bad joke, or a thoughtless one. But please, you don't need to ban it from tv. Just don't watch it, or don't laugh when you do watch it. It's really that simple. I don't like to have very much in common with people who can't laugh at themselves.
2. The solution the priests come up with to get more people to come to church....would work. Yes it's a tasteless and sacrilegious solution, but it would work. So if we're so keen on not laughing, why not make this an opportunity to look at what this commercial is trying to say socially about the state of organized religion in America. In the modern world for that matter. Don't burn the book, talk about why the book is offensive, there's probably a truth in there somewhere that needs talking about.
3. This issue should have been presented in an open dialogue situation where people could take in one side and then share their own views on the situation. You don't get to do that during closing announcements. The person in white talks, we listen, and then look around to decide how to react to whatever ridiculous thing just got said. That's not an appropriate venue. Get a blog.
4. If turning the other cheek when someone makes a lame joke about doritos at communion is the worst kind of persecution they have to endure, then catholics need a reality check. A serious one.
If you wanna have a look at it yourself, please do. It's dumb, but it's not horrible. And it certainly doesn't deserve to be the whipping boy in a debate about religion. As Cutty Ranks once said: LEAVE IT ALONE!
http://www.crashthesuperbowl.com/#/gallery?video=5384
Every once in a while, somebody dressed in white up in the altar area will say something that makes me uncomfortable. It's usually during the Homily or in closing announcements. Today it was the former. The parish director called everyone's attention to a potential commercial for superbowl sunday. She told us the basic gist of the piece and felt that as it was obviously tasteless and offensive to Catholics that everyone should write a negative review in the comments section of the website where it can be viewed.
Here's my problems with that:
1. It was meant to be funny. It might have been a bad joke, or a thoughtless one. But please, you don't need to ban it from tv. Just don't watch it, or don't laugh when you do watch it. It's really that simple. I don't like to have very much in common with people who can't laugh at themselves.
2. The solution the priests come up with to get more people to come to church....would work. Yes it's a tasteless and sacrilegious solution, but it would work. So if we're so keen on not laughing, why not make this an opportunity to look at what this commercial is trying to say socially about the state of organized religion in America. In the modern world for that matter. Don't burn the book, talk about why the book is offensive, there's probably a truth in there somewhere that needs talking about.
3. This issue should have been presented in an open dialogue situation where people could take in one side and then share their own views on the situation. You don't get to do that during closing announcements. The person in white talks, we listen, and then look around to decide how to react to whatever ridiculous thing just got said. That's not an appropriate venue. Get a blog.
4. If turning the other cheek when someone makes a lame joke about doritos at communion is the worst kind of persecution they have to endure, then catholics need a reality check. A serious one.
If you wanna have a look at it yourself, please do. It's dumb, but it's not horrible. And it certainly doesn't deserve to be the whipping boy in a debate about religion. As Cutty Ranks once said: LEAVE IT ALONE!
http://www.crashthesuperbowl.com/#/gallery?video=5384
Monday, January 3, 2011
The Triumphant Return of Things that are True!
The following is list of things that are true. God I've missed writing that!
1. There's a man in a car driving a considerable amount of miles to get to my house to see me tonight. I wonder if he likes me or something.
2. I am afraid to discover what it is I have done to deserve such good fortune regarding item one. I'm sure it's just a misunderstanding. He's probably just here for the free lasagna.
3. I really like grapes at the moment.
4. I am currently the fattest I have ever been, and worried that although I have noticed this, I don't feel all that ugly. The ass can stay, the boobs can stay, I only take issue with my arms...and maybe my face....that can go...how do I get rid of my arms and face?
5. I wish there were better holidays after christmas. I wish Halloween was after Christmas instead of before it. I wish Valentine's Day was more interesting, or St. Patrick's for that matter. Winter is depressing, I need more exciting things happening in Wintertime. Especially the slush months.
6. I am both looking forward to and am terrified of people reading my journal again. I missed writing for my readers so I started it up again. But facebook is my new pimp, I dunno if I like him yet.
7. I am watching 30 rock. I'm not watching 30 rock because of peer pressure.
8.I sliced my thumb whilst shaving and it left this kinda cool miniature cat scratch across my thumb and it feel weird when I type with it.
9. I'm in a band called Long Stride Lizzy. And it's shameless plug day here on sesame street.
10. http://www.myspace.com/longstridelizzy
1. There's a man in a car driving a considerable amount of miles to get to my house to see me tonight. I wonder if he likes me or something.
2. I am afraid to discover what it is I have done to deserve such good fortune regarding item one. I'm sure it's just a misunderstanding. He's probably just here for the free lasagna.
3. I really like grapes at the moment.
4. I am currently the fattest I have ever been, and worried that although I have noticed this, I don't feel all that ugly. The ass can stay, the boobs can stay, I only take issue with my arms...and maybe my face....that can go...how do I get rid of my arms and face?
5. I wish there were better holidays after christmas. I wish Halloween was after Christmas instead of before it. I wish Valentine's Day was more interesting, or St. Patrick's for that matter. Winter is depressing, I need more exciting things happening in Wintertime. Especially the slush months.
6. I am both looking forward to and am terrified of people reading my journal again. I missed writing for my readers so I started it up again. But facebook is my new pimp, I dunno if I like him yet.
7. I am watching 30 rock. I'm not watching 30 rock because of peer pressure.
8.I sliced my thumb whilst shaving and it left this kinda cool miniature cat scratch across my thumb and it feel weird when I type with it.
9. I'm in a band called Long Stride Lizzy. And it's shameless plug day here on sesame street.
10. http://www.myspace.com/longstridelizzy
Sunday, January 2, 2011
What's the first rule of looking cool after being defriended, you do not talk about being defriended. The second rule? YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT BEING DEFRIENDED!
gosh ya know what makes me nuts? Lots of things. But you know what pissed me off three minutes ago?
I noticed just recently that I was missing the delightfully curmudgeony updates from an old co-worker. Yes, that's right folkes. I have been de-friended.
gasp!
I've ranted about this before. Here's why it pisses me off:
When you notice something like this, especially where there doesn't seem to be a particular reason for it, or the reasons you do come up with are stupid childish reasons, your first instinct is to respond in the manner which you have been dealt with. Also known as the 3rd grade school yard approach. You know, elementary school, where we learned about George Washington and how to be passive aggressive and materialistic.
Here's what facebook has done, kids. Facebook has effectively given everyone their own club. With which they can be as inclusive or exclusive as they were in third grade. You can excommunicate people from your club anydamntime you like, for any reason imaginable. It's you're right as a citizen of a country that has the interwebs.
It happens to everyone now and then. But when it happens to you, it seems to suck more than when it happens to other people, or when it happens to the people you do it to. When it does happen to you, all you really want to do is return the discourtesy. But you can't.
The only reason you get pissed is because you're fucked off you didn't think of it first. Even if you're not sure what you did to deserve it. At least in grade school when your friend yells "You're not my friend anymore!" you can yell back "Yeah, well you're not my friend anymore either." There is no such equivalent in the game of facebook. They don't see your rant, the people who defriend you never get to see how pissed off you are. You are not given the courtesy of a comeback. Isn't that a kick in the nuts?
And the damage of this clever little weapon has LAYERS! Once the recess rampage wears off, you realize exactly how little any of it matters, and how stupid all of it is. All this ranting and hurt feelings have no place in reality. It's lame to rant about facebook slights in public. The fact that you even took notice, well it makes you sound like a loser with no life. And the kicker in this particular case is, this particular specimen is old enough to be my dad. Old enough to know better, and does know better having felt the burn of being defriended before, I know because he ranted about it back when I was a member of his cool kid club. However, knowing that he knows how it feels means I can't explain it away by saying he's oblivious, he knows exactly what it feels like so the move must be deliberate and the effect desired. Which means I must have done something truly horrible to offend him or betray his trust. Probably. I am a horrible evil person with plans to take over the world and crush any insect you dares to step in my way. Or maybe he just finally realized how unworthy I actually am of being in his cool person's club.
Oh...and now I'm entering the phase where I realize how pointless all of it is. Yup....now I'm angry because I let something as stupid and petty as a defriending get to me enough to make it a topic of my brand new shiny blog. Which is how the terrorists win. That's how they win, dammit!
Final thoughts on the subject are as follows: I might have been deprived of the opportunity for a cool witty comeback, but let's face facts, I wouldn't have used it. I'm as passive aggressive as they get. I just wanted the formality for politeness' sake. I am nothing if not civilized. Also, about the worst thing you can do is turn around and defriend someone else. Most bullies are bullied themselves by bigger bullies. You can't be mean to someone else because someone was mean to you. It doesn't work that way. It doesn't feel good after. So if I was deprived of an opportunity to be mean to someone who doesn't deserve it, then perhaps that's for the best. What I wasn't deprived of however, was a good long blogified rant, in which I can let it all out. And now I'm going to post in on facebook so all of the people I haven't defriended can read it. Oh my precious facebook clubmembers. I hope that by reading this they know I don't hate any of them enough to excommunicate them.
I noticed just recently that I was missing the delightfully curmudgeony updates from an old co-worker. Yes, that's right folkes. I have been de-friended.
gasp!
I've ranted about this before. Here's why it pisses me off:
When you notice something like this, especially where there doesn't seem to be a particular reason for it, or the reasons you do come up with are stupid childish reasons, your first instinct is to respond in the manner which you have been dealt with. Also known as the 3rd grade school yard approach. You know, elementary school, where we learned about George Washington and how to be passive aggressive and materialistic.
Here's what facebook has done, kids. Facebook has effectively given everyone their own club. With which they can be as inclusive or exclusive as they were in third grade. You can excommunicate people from your club anydamntime you like, for any reason imaginable. It's you're right as a citizen of a country that has the interwebs.
It happens to everyone now and then. But when it happens to you, it seems to suck more than when it happens to other people, or when it happens to the people you do it to. When it does happen to you, all you really want to do is return the discourtesy. But you can't.
The only reason you get pissed is because you're fucked off you didn't think of it first. Even if you're not sure what you did to deserve it. At least in grade school when your friend yells "You're not my friend anymore!" you can yell back "Yeah, well you're not my friend anymore either." There is no such equivalent in the game of facebook. They don't see your rant, the people who defriend you never get to see how pissed off you are. You are not given the courtesy of a comeback. Isn't that a kick in the nuts?
And the damage of this clever little weapon has LAYERS! Once the recess rampage wears off, you realize exactly how little any of it matters, and how stupid all of it is. All this ranting and hurt feelings have no place in reality. It's lame to rant about facebook slights in public. The fact that you even took notice, well it makes you sound like a loser with no life. And the kicker in this particular case is, this particular specimen is old enough to be my dad. Old enough to know better, and does know better having felt the burn of being defriended before, I know because he ranted about it back when I was a member of his cool kid club. However, knowing that he knows how it feels means I can't explain it away by saying he's oblivious, he knows exactly what it feels like so the move must be deliberate and the effect desired. Which means I must have done something truly horrible to offend him or betray his trust. Probably. I am a horrible evil person with plans to take over the world and crush any insect you dares to step in my way. Or maybe he just finally realized how unworthy I actually am of being in his cool person's club.
Oh...and now I'm entering the phase where I realize how pointless all of it is. Yup....now I'm angry because I let something as stupid and petty as a defriending get to me enough to make it a topic of my brand new shiny blog. Which is how the terrorists win. That's how they win, dammit!
Final thoughts on the subject are as follows: I might have been deprived of the opportunity for a cool witty comeback, but let's face facts, I wouldn't have used it. I'm as passive aggressive as they get. I just wanted the formality for politeness' sake. I am nothing if not civilized. Also, about the worst thing you can do is turn around and defriend someone else. Most bullies are bullied themselves by bigger bullies. You can't be mean to someone else because someone was mean to you. It doesn't work that way. It doesn't feel good after. So if I was deprived of an opportunity to be mean to someone who doesn't deserve it, then perhaps that's for the best. What I wasn't deprived of however, was a good long blogified rant, in which I can let it all out. And now I'm going to post in on facebook so all of the people I haven't defriended can read it. Oh my precious facebook clubmembers. I hope that by reading this they know I don't hate any of them enough to excommunicate them.
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